immediate reactions

Tomorrow would be the last of my 19 years. I don’t know what to make of it but I’m sure that tomorrow will just go fine.

Looking back, I wonder where I have gone these years. I’ve surely had a lot… From stupid boyfriends to crazy friends to pasaway groupmates. They say I haven’t changed. Physically, probably, I’d say I haven’t. But now that I’ve decided to look further, I realized that theres more to being the immature me.

Jaide told me I had to grow up. I probably should.

Tomorrow is another day and with God’s help, I know I’d be just fine… (”,)

nindot jud pag feeling wla’y exam!

I decided to turn in a new page of my life. After all, there seems to be no sense in going back and trying to fix things. I finally thought that I had to give it up and try on new, better things. Good luck on that.

As for now, I’m in the midst of shielding myself from the heavy torrent… I mean, big tears that are threatening to fall. I’m still hoping for that silver lining in those clouds. Someone told me, dili daw obvious na heartbroken kuh… How true is that? Tell me guys!

I still have my life and that’s one thing that I’m so much thankful for at this moment. Probably, I’ll start with myself first. I had neglected so many beautiful things during my self-pity moments… I’m recovering though. Please pray for me.

So right now, I have so many things to be thankful for…
.my sense and sensibility [which is trying to put sense back into me...]
.my batchmates [u make me laugh a lot guys!]
.kyrlscheint [can't think how my life would be without u]
.Jun Pyo [my only living pup]
.mama [ur letting me live...at least!]
.dawlin’ [i hope u keep comin' to the house so i won't forget to eat...]
.SA [thanks for the prayers and the huggy moments]
.clarkie and jez [for saying yes and singing wit me]
.orval and manoi [for plainly annoying me]
.langga khyle [i'm glad ur still wit me]
.my all-time favoe bag!!! [dunno wat i can do without u...]

And here are my last sentiments for the time-being…
-mam karel - come home…
-isah - i’m praying for ya’
-Nitch - get well soon…
-vange - thanks for stayin’ by…
-gab - ur always here for me. luv dat!
-jaide - take care of your life. it’s the only one u have…

I feel so much better now. Maybe this should just happen to end all miseries. I knew it was supposed to happen. What else could I expect? After all, I know it would end up to this in the first place.

So, maybe, you’d ask, why I stuck up with this against all obvious signs?

This makes me happy. He makes me happy. I don’t know what else can. It doesn’t matter what we talk about or why we argue. The only thing that comes to my mind is that I have him and I’m loved.

It does hurt and I wonder why I never cried. But it’s the best thing I can do to myself and to him. If accepting things this way would make me a little bit smarter, then I decide to go for it.

It’s what makes me happy.

I’ve had hopes. I knew they’d fail. But at least, it made me believe in something. I still have my heart back. After all, it’s just what matters…

If someone asks me if I’d eat 5 cups of atiatihan rice again, the answer would be a big NO! I don’t want to be fat. That’s the most honest thing about myself. Hello! I really, really  love my anorexic figure, though people say I should try eating a lot. I’ve also learned that I shouldn’t go eating with the good guys again… (orval and manoi…) I wonder why they make me eat too much. I’m not that thin!!!

Part, pang-last years n n2 ni…

good luck sa chemotherapy.

This one’s for you…

“Jaded (These Years)”

There’s a time and place, for everything.
There’s a reason why, certain people meet.
There’s a destination, for everyone.
What’s the explanation, when we’re done?

All the summer nights spent wondering;
So many questions asked, but no one’s answering.
Would it be okay if I left today?
Took my chances on what you said was wrong?

I’m jaded, stupid, and and reckles.
Not sorry, and I’ll never regret.
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I’ll never regret these years.
I’ll never regret these years.

Now here i sit, so far away.
Remembering all our memories.
Its times like these that I miss you most,
Remembering when we were so close.

I’m jaded, stupid, and and reckles.
Not sorry, we’ll never regret.
These years spent, so faded and reckless.
Not sorry, and I’ll never regret these years.

We’ll never forget the places we’ve been, you and i.
Our lives are slipping away.
Don’t want to let time pass us by, byyyyyyy…

I’m jaded, stupid, and and reckles.
Not sorry, and I’ll never regret.
These years….
…spent, so faded and reckless,
Not sorry, and I’ll never regret…
I’m jaded, stupid, and and reckles.
Not sorry, and I’ll never regret these years.

ooops, Jaded diay.. haha!

miss you part!

I’m broke. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not doing good at school. I wake up late. I miss breakfast most of the time. I spend the whole morning curled in my bed. It feels like I’m going nowhere.

I want to quit. I want to think that this is all just a big bad joke that I just have to accept. The thing is… it’s real. It’s happening to me.

Sometimes, I wonder what happened to those “forevers” that they promised me. Can’t they see how much I’m hurting now? They have no idea… they don’t even care.

Right now, I think that this has got to stop. I’ll try to forget that this ever happened and I’m going to make myself happy from now on. This would be hard, but I’d try.

the way you love me…

ooh…

strong and wild, slow and easy…

heart and soul… so completely..

i love the way you love me.

Today’s Quote: It’s so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry. – Innocence (Avril Lavigne)

Today’s Happiness Indicator: I’m wearing an orange T-shirt! Haha!

**Happiness

I was thinking of this as next year’s theme of The Collage. *That is if they still make me editor, though. Haha!*

What makes Kai so happy today?

1. Well, I realized that I don’t have to rely on others to make me happy… that I could be happy anytime I want to and in any way I want to. *grins*

2. The thorns have roses today. *hallelujah!

3. I didn’t get my usual pancit canton – bagoong combo for breakfast since I’m still coughing (no, barking). That means, I’d get well soon since I’m on a healthy living diet.

4. I had Coke again. Yey!

5. I’m back in the cube and laughing at Tom and Jerry.

6. I was listening to “Take It to the Floor” this morning and swaying my hips to the rhythm too. *Weird!

7. The night lamp won’t work. I won’t get eyebags from sleeping late anymore. Haha!

8. Someone said that I look good if I tie up my hair in a ponytail. *Seriously? Hahaha!

9. I’m reading Manga online. *I missed Naruto and Gaara!

10. Ms Chief (Mischief) is sharing things to me. Felt good to be trusted.

These thoughts are randomly arranged though. These are just some things that make me happy everyday… and yeah! It actually works. I’m feeling good inside and I guess it’s just what matters. I’m happy.(**,)