I wish he knew that I cried.
I wish he knew that I cried. At least, I would not feel this foolish anymore. I looked at his face just this evening & he seems happy. Okay so what do I expect him to think about it? Well, the hell I care if he is, actually I’ve got nothing to do with it. He’s been conceited & selfish. he’s inconsiderate and, and, DAMN! I still feel something for him!
Ok, so I’m sorry… But, i don’t want to feel this way. It just felt foolish crying over someone who didn’t even know that I have been foolish for him. It’s just damn irritating and I really, honestly, hate that feeling.
I’m freaking out again. It’s just so irritating to imagine yourself having feelings for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Someone who doesn’t even know that a special feeling exists for him. Someone who thinks of you as just a friend, sister, or someone belonging in the same group as his. It just hurts to know that you’re being loved but not loved the way you expected it to be. Ok, so I admit this is selfishness. But this has to get out of my head. This has to escape my thoughts because I don’t want to be burdened with these nonsense thoughts that are slowly killing me.
I don’t want to pretend anymore. I am hurt but I know I could never do anything. I just want them to be happy & go on with their lives… Let them think, I have never been a part of them, and I never will. I don’t want to kill myself again the way I killed myself before. I don’t want to be involved in heartbreaks & tears forever. I’m done with them, and I always will.
He’ll never be mine, he’ll forever be hers. So just let them enjoy the happiness felt. Never mind my aching heart & my unheard feelings. I’d just be contented to know that he knew I cried… just that, so I can feel for the last time that he still cares for me.
