What
can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten… that I love the way
she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly
things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show…
She
was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew
all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not
only because she’s pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at
everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember
the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy
afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy.
He and his family just moved out to a neighboring state at transfer
because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I
saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and
noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the
house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when came out
the loveliest girl I’ve ever seen.
She was four years old that
time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly
hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and
eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to
watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the
tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her
hand. I waved back and then watched in amazement as I saw her running
towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said,
"Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb
up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the
way, my name’s Sam, what’s yours?" I answered, "My name is Christopher
but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, "Well I like your
name. Hey your tree house’s neat!" then I replied, "Thanks! Troy and I
made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play
ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss
him you know." She smiled and said "I’m here now, we could do things
you do with Troy and I could be your new best friend too. I never had a
boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could
learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking
together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well
that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It’s a deal
then!"
So that’s how it started. So we became best friends and
it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things
which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs,
swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did
everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off
the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one
who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she
hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was
I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which
meant having to loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I
fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam
was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch.
I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry
and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam
crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it
a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her
little heart desires.
The lake was our favorite hang out. We had
our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under
the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us
could sit together and tell each other’s dreams. She dreams of being a
Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs
at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made
me like her even more.
As years went by, I noticed that my
feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was
just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at
night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her
all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made
me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel
so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation
in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim
routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling
of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping
it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with
my best friend.
Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was
scared to imagine what would happen if ever I’d try to tell her how I
feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I’m taking
advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I
just kept my feeling hidden.
We reached the age of fifteen and I
noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I
see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them
talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were
times when I watch her at a distance with mixed feelings of anger and
hurt! Because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I
wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many
presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might
see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I
feel about her as much as losing her.
Then one day, I just
learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I
tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was
Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She,
being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team to which Mark
was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot
that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into
pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I
was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I’m feeling inside
because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that followed where
the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by
me with him at her side. Every time we meet in hallways and I see him
around her, there’s a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her
away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now
owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me
was now casted on him. As she passes by me she doesn’t know that I
whisper the words "God how I love you."
Then one faithful day
they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They
had a big fight and it ended up with their break up. Mixed feelings
were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I
would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then
I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him.
At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.
So we
found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim
routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing
childish pranks for we still are both young at heart. So many chances I
had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn’t bring
myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost
her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her, "I love
her". So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be
expressed from my aching heart.
It was a week from our JS Prom,
we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our
afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like
to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I
never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I thought
there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So
she turned away and quietly said, "Well I just thought I would like to
spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper
I could barely hear, "Don’t you want to die just like them to be my
partner Chris?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to
blurt my feelings for her. We… we’re silent for a while until I finally
whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam. "The she smiled
and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt
that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood
up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water
treats to sundae fudge!”I ran slowed up so that I would lose which
meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.
Our
Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire
bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam’s mother greeted me and I
went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was
talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up
and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair
flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I
could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the
corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the
whole world." She then asked, "Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled
and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her. When we
arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were
the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then
I held out her hand bowed and said, "Would you give me the honor of
your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the
dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment.
I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up
to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found
myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her
long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so
many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she
was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she
would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted
to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and
bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the
magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven’t done it.
We
walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I
asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one.
It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she
was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that
she doesn’t know. So I went to search for her. As I was searching for
her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined
by the moon’s silvery light. They were so close to each other that I
could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white
dress that Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the
gymnasium.
Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried
talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to
hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left
in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those
dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn’t
return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. In
the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It
also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way
to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.
The
day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a
neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program
ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me,
there was something in her eyes I couldn’t describe. There was sadness
in them and when she smiled it wasn’t the same smile she had. I wanted
to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned
and walked away from me.
So I moved out the next day as I
planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with
my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if
she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I
could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done
for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be
able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I’m worthy of having
her.
It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return
home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see
her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert
and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I
got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house
desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed
her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am
determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not
contain anymore the love I have for her. I reached their house; I saw
her elder sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed
she didn’t smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful
lady just like my dear Sam. I then asked, "Hi Jen! I guess you’re
surprised why I’m here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also
hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Mmm… by the way have
you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly
"Come follow me."
I was confused with the way she’s acting but
still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her
in a conversation but she just answered my question briefly. Then I
realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was
still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree, Sam and I used to
climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed
to be her partner. It’s been one of the happiest days in my life and I
realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. Then Jen stopped
walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There’s Sam."
I
looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name
of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and
desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare
and I would soon wake up. I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes
searching for explanations and she slowly started saying, "It has been
a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was
sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she
uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always
regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she
had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the
way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and
with that she left.
I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it
contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom.
Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it
with shaking hands and started reading……..
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