So, I finally got skinned last night but as usual,she didn’t hear me out. It was always this and that and I never got to explain anything, Well, I hated myself as usual but I can’t do anything about it. Finally, I did not get what I really wanted and I know she is very very happy…
Maybe, she just wanted me to be EXACTLY like her… Well, reality check!!!! –I’m not…dammit!
Okay,why the hell am I freaking like this?! Well, to start with, I read this post ‘iane made in friendster blogs & it kinda freaked me out… Totally…
I just can’t get it why I’m supposed to live with this s-h-i-t.
Ok, here’s the catch. [if you really wanna know what this stuff is ol about...]
He got drunk & he told me about it. Ok, don’t get me wrong. I understood him perfectly. It is his life, he could be drunk for all i care. I understand…perfectly. I just could not accept it. The thing is why am i standing here in deep shit, pretending everything is just fine?!
Yeah, and why do I have to tell him "I cried" ? He didn’t need to know?! Why would i let him explain?! He doesn’t have the right to know what is going on exactly inside my mind. But, I just did. We really didn’t talk about it the way I wanted to because,obviously, I did not want to explain my side. He was like, "why would you do such a thing like lock urself up in the room?? Why would you cry??… blah…blah." While I go,"yeah, I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about…" Well for once! why can’t I let him know what I feel?! Know what? It really felt stupid this way. This man just found out that an angel cried for him… [i like the angel thing...] (grins)
Sometimes, I really don’t get myself. I thought i was strict with my standards. I thought i could stand up for it, but I’m crawling down right now… [hey,don't laugh at me, I know i'm stupid.] This would be the last time I’d cry for a guy. No one’s ever worth my tears. Yeah, not even him. [if he reads this, i guess he'd better live with it.] [devilish smile]
Well, for all i care…
-he could drink up as much as he wants to.
-he could smoke like a thousand packs if he wants to.
-he could trade me for another bitch.
-and he could tell me all the shit he did.
But, the truth is, I really do care. That’s why, I’m freaking out right now because I was hurt. Imagine your man telling you "he was just drunk…while as for me, I’m going out with my ex!" Yeah, Right!
I hate to admit it. But, I must. Its the best thing to do. Everything else just doesn’t matter. Well, yeah! It hurts much. I was stepped down…[worser than stripped off.] Uh, well…I really do love him & I guess I should also live with it.
The question is…how can I?
Ok, I’m back in hell & I’m not too happy about it. First, school would start a few days from now & I’m still stuck here…Damn! How I miss my room. It really isn’t much but at least I’m comfortable there. My family’s in Tagum City & I feel so alone here…[well, I actually am alone...]
My man’s going to hell-knows-where again… I really don’t mind it, but I’m starting to worry now. I think I’m getting paranoid too. Duh,I think natakdan q niya!
Yesterday’s was the best evening I had. I’m swearing it to Paris Hilton…She’d really get jealous of me! Hahaha! Well, what could be sweeter than a stolen kiss on the dark side of the road? I bet you’d like to try it.How i love dark places… [devilish grin] It was….uhmm, EXCITING??? –yeah, hope I got the feeling right.
My mom is really sweet to let me go to this party. She’s so like angel….hehehe… I hope I get to do it again, but they’re going back to Cebu so i guess I’d have to wait until next summer.
I went on a killing spree again…[1 of nanai's favrite thing to do...] This time though, it was with devilkin & his Fallen demons… Yah, Diablo II, the uploaded thingy… It was so addictive! I would damn miss it. Anyway, my char.name is Tanya [one of those dreaded names I made up for the korny story]
Speaking of the korny story, I still haven’t made it. I’m starting to give up. Huhuhu, I guess, I should try something with a less complicated topic.
Yeah, my mag’s out at last…For all you know… But, I honestly HATE it. It just isn’t my job. It’s a total wreck. I swear by Paris Hilton again. Duh, if you really want to read it, go on! Anyway, its boring… There are just some things that don’t belong in there. I wish she should have at least made me check it before it went on print. But, its done, & I could do nothing more about it.
I would have piano lessons during the start of the class & I really don’t feel like it. Yeah, I know I HAVE to. Don’t say anything more. I think I’m gonna change my mind.
I miss Lovone & Percy. Apple & Dave, too. Yah, I also miss Yaj. Don’t ask why. Ok, I know I should think nothing more of him. I’m happy with my man now. I should be… It’s just that we really hadn’t made it clear with each other & I know he’s still angry with me. I don’t know if he is happy now. I hope he is.
yeh, I’m back at hell. But, they say, hell is sweeter the 2nd time around. I really wish it’s true.
-tokai
