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How do you say goodbye?

Will it just be a sweet kiss and a tight hug for me? Or maybe long letters of explanation why you had to go and when you’ll be back? Or maybe a sweet reminder that you’ll just be around if ever I’ll need you?

Somehow, even if you won’t be around by that time, I know I could always trust you. But, it still hurts because I know that you’re leaving. I know you’ll be back but I don’t know when. I could wait, but for how long?

I don’t know what I would be feeling when you’re gone. I know… You’ll be back, but I would miss you. And trust me, its not that good. 7 hushed months without you would be heartbreaking. Not counting the many tissue rolls I have to spend for.

For 7 months, I would be watching the sunsets alone. Walk home myself and spend my days in silent torture. Iced teas won’t taste that good when you’re not around and even chocolates won’t do any good.

Days in this damn school would be so silent without you. Laughter won’t sound that enlivening anymore. Days are spent in agony without you. If only you could stay. But, I guess, I don’t have anything to wish for… not anymore.

You’ll go… and I won’t be stopping you from doing so.

But, I’ll wait for you.

September 6

He stared at me this morning. He
never said anything but those eyes spoke of something I knew I did not want to
understand. I tried to ignore his stare, but they pierced into my soul like
freshly-sharpened knives. He looked confused so I turned away.

It’s obvious. I think he felt the
insensitivity that I was desperately trying to show. It’s okay. Its better this
way, I kept reminding myself. But, sometimes, I still can’t stop thinking of
him.

He was aloof since that Sunday
when I didn’t meet him after his City Trip. Our conversation just went strictly
civil. I saw him at the stairs that night.

“Hey, Congratulations…” I told
him.

“Thank you,” he replied, smiling.

I walked away with the other one.
I couldn’t stare straight at him. My guilt is eating me. Well, after everything
we’ve been through, I just thought it’s time to keep myself away from him and
focus more on the things I was supposed to do. It’s best that I’d end it this
way. After all, what else was I supposed to do?

Yes, it still hurts that I had
been too late. He already had someone better. It hurts every time I hear his
phone ring knowing fully well that it’s his girl that’s calling her up, or if I
see him wearing that charming grin when I knew that it was never because of me.
It had been a torture every time I pass by him, head bowed & wishing I was
a million miles away.

He is confused. I could tell it
from the tone of his voice when I came in the office this morning. He wanted to
get my attention. I could tell. But, as long as he kept on being this way, I
just couldn’t open up to him. I don’t even feel like doing it anymore. Anyway,
he’s got lots of other persons to be with. Forget it.

Just like I said, if he’ll need
me, I’m just around. Yeah, I’m always around.

chka lang ko gmay… hehehe

Kataw-anan xia.. hehehe korny lang.
It was funny man gud..
Nagtext2 mi ni mahal ug sa akong isa ka friend.. tpos, na-wrong send xia naq…
It was something about roses daw… naa daw xia htagan ug roses… edi ng-ask ko kung kinza…

tanga au xia.. [ana xia nga ako daw. Dli ra au xia prangka... hahaha]

ng-ask daun ko if ngano…[char2 lang gud]

tpos, nkbntay na xia nga wrong cnd diay! ngktawa nlng ko…

bulabog man gud!!! whahahaha!!!!

mao lang… I just love it when people take care of me… makes me feel special..

Fact:
ngon c mahal, I’m very special daw mao na bagay daw q ibutang sa special school for special children.. ehehehe ana xia!

mwahhh!!!

–xoxoxoxoxo–

Okay, Actually, I don’t have enough time to do this stuff. I still have to finish a story, write at least 2 essays and memorize a whole chapter in the Bible… Add to that a 7 page journal that I still had not started and a boring call I still have to make. But, I’m gonna share this news…

"I’m going to BACOLOD!!!! whahahahaha!!! It’s actually La Salle where I’m headed. I’m meeting up with him… uhmm, you know who… hehehehe

He said he’s going to Bacolod for a short trip..wonder why he’d miss class for that long. We’ll I actually don’t mind…as long as I’m going to see him.

So, right now, I’m trying to focus in this exam that I have to do. It’s not really much but at least it has some sense. I’ve answered all questions for those two REALLY HARD subjects…[yeah,quite challenging].. but at least I’m done and am happy for it.
This is a beautiful day. As beautiful as me… hehehe

"Sa katong nagsumbong sa amo"

pde sa sunod?! kanang accurate pud unta imong news noh kay mapakaulawan pud kah… ayaw pud pataka ug buhat ug storya…

yeah, we know its your job but honestly, you don’t need to exaggerate things. We understand your honesty but you weren’t completely honest. You freak!

hapit ala napirmahan ako clearance tungod nimo! sh*t… mau lang unta kung wafu ka, dli pajud! rarr…

au-au nlng ha! wala ra au ko na-bwesit sa imoha… estudyante plang lagi ka, gpa-kick out na tka! Grrrr!!!

Grabe ka news item uie! labwan pa man mi nimo nga newswriters… anyway, I like ur style.. readable xia! thank you!

It wasn’t supposed to be. But, I’m happy having it this way. I don’t have regrets about what had happened even if so many are affected. No one understood as what I have expected. Yup, some people did agree with me but I know they would never understood the situation I put myself into.

But, I’m happy now. I know fully well that this is a wrong decision but I’m not doing anything wrong. So, what if the others won’t even talk to me?! DAMN it! Honestly, I really don’t care.

At least I know that secret now.That was everything I needed to know.

Anyway,I won’t be with him too much these days. It creates a lot of confusion - for me, for him, for the other guys… Nothing should be lost cuz’ nothing was gained. So why cry over something that didn’t even came true?!

He loves me. I love him. Although angels and devils were not meant to fall in love with each other. Love can’t change what aren’t meant to be. I guess I should just get over this. I still have an exam to pass through and an interrogation to get over with. Duh.! So what?!

I’m happy now. It doesn’t matter anymore.

The angel left without saying goodbye.

I could tell it from the way he looked at me this morning. I saw deep behind his smile. He was trying to tell me something but i think he knew it’s better left unsaid. He’s not coming back. I know he won’t ever be.

I disappointed him. I know I did. It was a foolish decision but everyone had made stupid decisions in their lives. Why can’t he just spare me this one?

I don’t know. I can’t ask. why would I?

I lost him because I had been stupid. I can’t do anything if he’s not coming back. But, I might as well accept that he might not be for me. He’s too perfect for me… and I’m not even trying to be fitted for him.

I made a mistake. It cost me him… He had quit being my angel. Someone deserves his protection better than me–someone perfect… someone who won’t dare disappoint him. someone who won’t break his heart like I did.

Nanai was ryt ’bout what I told her last night. If he needs me, he’ll be looking for me. But as of now, I’m keeping my peace. He’s not coming back…or if he was, he never got here. At least, I’m happy that I still get to write this post about him even if nothing matters now.

I never answered the call cuz’ it’s not worth it anymore. It may sound unfair but I’m crossing boundaries & trespassing. He knows it. He wanted to talk to me last night. People told me he wanted to come here, but it’s no use anymore. I think I know better than sticking with him. The him which never REALLY became "mine"…

I have cut this page out of my life now. The page that once were full of those damn memories of him. It actually doesn’t matter even if he keeps on coming back. We are two very different people. I think he knows it. They are right. All of them who told me what I needed to know.

I am absolutely goin’ to miss his presence in my life, but, I know better. If we’re not gonna stay the same way as I expected him to be… He’d better be out so I won’t be bothered by his presence anymore.

I don’t know how long am I gonna be around… But, I’m glad it ended this way. That ring last night was a wake-up call. For me to see the reality of the situation I put myself in. I’m glad he dropped me a call. I’m glad he entered my life. I’m glad for his presence…but, just as I said…

I’m not coming back. If he needs me, he’ll look for me… If not, I’ll still be around.
Even if he doesn’t need me anymore.