immediate reactions

Sometimes, you must know what i feel. I don’t have plans to speak this out but I guess, I have to. You also have that right to know.

It’s about her again. It’s her face on your profile that damn hurts me. This must be jealousy or insecurity but this is what I feel. And everything else really doesn’t matter that much because the pain just stings.

You may say what’s with her? Why would I freak out like this? Yeah, I know you’re done with her, but, I know you would never understand. Why is she still that SPECIAL?

I hate to be compared… -again-

Why the hell would you put me in the same level as her?! I guess, if she’s still that special to you, better check your heart first. Then, maybe, you would understand why I feel this way. You may not see my reasons for these stuff, but I hope you would understand. I don’t want to be caught in the middle. I feel torn with what I feel for you and what you STILL feel for her.

If the feeling’s not yet gone, then maybe everything else between us would just have to rest. I could never keep you from those memories of her. You’ll still be forever hers and you would never be mine unless you leave those thoughts of her behind.

You know what I think? You don’t want to be alone that’s why you want me to stay. Maybe, you just have to feel left for a while so you would know what "loving me" truly means. I don’t want to lose you that’s why I’m letting you go. This would give you time to realize who REALLY matters most to you.

I don’t want to think that I’m saving you from her because I don’t want to be selfish here. I love you - so much… That’s why I’m giving you time to think about this. Reconsider what I feel then maybe you would understand.

:’c

"I am not going away from you…"

She told me all about it last night. That was the last call she gave me. It was funny because she actually didn’t have any reason to be jealous. I mean, she had him now. I’m not freaking out like I used to. So, why would she worry about stuff like that?!

The man’s not even talking about me anymore. He lost that picture I gave the last time we talked… That was what he told me. But, she wouldn’t believe it.

Why would she act that insecure when she already had him?! I mean, were those "i love you’s" not enough? Wasn’t she contented to know that she saved him from me?

Oh, maybe, I did hurt him that hard. But, actually, it doesn’t matter anymore. I thought everything was just fine because the man’s making friends with me already. He said, he forgot about the aches anymore. I thought, really thought, it was just fine.
Until she called.

So, maybe that was just all I needed to think things over. I thought I lost the feeling. And i really did. I am moving on.

But, is it enough?!

That call. It was a long talk. Those months had been hard for her. But, she never said anything until last night. My picture was gone in his wallet. He made her believe it was fine, everything’s gone… But, why that call?!

Maybe, he’s still keeping those memories of me. Maybe, he’s still thinking about me. He still keeps in touch… He still -DAMN- cares.

So what?! What’s so affecting about that? Does it really matter?

Maybe, he still has a lot of thinking to do. About me, perhaps. I feel sorry for the girl. I hope he would try to re-consider who really weighs that much. Sometimes, he still has to choose… and maybe, stick to that decision, to work things out.

When I don’t want to talk about problems, I really don’t… so don’t push me to say anything if you don’t wanna receive a scream.

This is my world. and these are some of those things I don’t want to change within me. I guess, you just have to accept me for what I am. I don’t talk about those problems that I couldn’t manage. So, don’t push me.

I speak out when I can’t accept things anymore. I talk about it when it’s just too unbearable.

A lil’ understanding’s all I need to work things out within myself. I’m still adjusting, re-adjusting and fixing things within me. I’m glad that people are caring that much… But, a little privacy in my life please…

These are just the things I wanna ask.

Guess, there are just those very few shining moments when I get "luv you’s" when I least expect it. I still get those sweet stares from people who think I’m the world. Those few moments make up for what I am.

Sometimes, the world isn’t all black and white. Colors show in unexpected places - like the one I’m in now, and these make the picture complete.

Sometimes, we still need to show what we feel. this is our special gift as humans.

These are reasons for life.

guess what?!

I just realized the burdens and complications of what I put myself into…

kapoi man diay… huhuhu

ayaw nlng mu comment ky kpoi jud daw…

I mean, dghan napud au akong gisudlan (mau nta if naa q makuha ani!)

hehehe, naa ko SA, Newsletter, ug CSG… dli ra au dghan noh?! 27 units pa jud ko…

gkasab-an nako gnina. mdungagan npud ni unya… huhuhuhu

wlay mo-comment!

Actually, I should not feel this way after talking to the new girl a while ago. But it hurts - though I don’t know why.

I mean, I had accepted the truth long time ago that he left me. It was supposed to be ok. We are friends - still. I wished he’d see me now cutting myself to death. He hurt me and he didn’t even notice it. He said he cared - guess, he never did. Maybe, I’m just too blind wishing on falling stars when  I actually know it wouldn’t happen anymore. He made me stop believing…
and wishing.

He killed me that day he lied.

I wish he’d just tell me why he did it. It maybe would not hurt this bad if I had known his reasons behind hurting me. Well, he did not even know I was hurting so DAMN hell would he care about telling me!

Guess what, I may be DAmn crazy about him before but yes… He wasn’t worth it. Maybe the new girl would need it but not me. I’m not sticking with foolishness here. I wish I never stuck myself in the first place.

I could just die without knowing him. Everybody dies, so the hell would I care about this. 

Note to that person I’m blabbing about:

You,
wished I never knew you in the first place. Wished I never talked to you that night. Wished the moon wasn’t so beautiful as it shone on your face. Wished I never fell for you. Wish I died than living in this fantasies of you.

You were not worth it.

I juz love this song… heard it on my cuzin’s media box… felt good.. hehehe… -sounds like him- hhmmmm….

maybe, xcept for the fact that he’s stilla lil’ devilish for me… But, I love it.

My day’s fine.. I’m goin’ home… see yah guys!

enrolment napud!