immediate reactions

I go to and fro looking for people I know I wouldn’t see around. I sleep early (in the morning, wake up early (in the morning parin), and drink coffee before going to school just to keep me sane and alive. I don’t know if I love or hate my job. I just do things in order to get things done. I study (when I don’t have anything else to do) and
catch a few winks before dropping off to my next class, wherein I do nothing but
scribble anger notes that I don’t give to people who deserve them. More than that, I have to understand someone’s irresponsibility over time management and uncontrolled emotions. I need to have myself back because I know I’m
lost. Lost in a world of unrewarded jobs and unfulfilled responsibilities. Why can’t anyone take this burden off my back and just do their own jobs?!

I hate it when I had to put up with people who don’t care to think.

It’s their life. Rhett once said,
"Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!"

I wish I could say that too. It’s but
another responsibility I have to face.
Anyway, I had to understand. That’s what
I always do. {-.-}

Just a thought:
I hate people who don’t think of the things they had to do. I guess, they need to get their minds back. And maybe then, they’ll have to stop bugging people who don’t have the time to hear them blab about their uncontrolled emotions. Stuff like these, needed complete reconsideration. And I hate it when I had to do the reconsideration thing. I wish it gets out of my mind before I start drinking coffee again to calm my nerves. Duhh!

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it’s so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliance
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don’t go away
I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it
Don’t you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it’s so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I’m so happy here
It’s so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn’t change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]

It’s a state of bliss, you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It’s a state of bliss, you think you’re dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that you’re feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It’s so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don’t go away
Cus I need you now
And I’ll hold on to it
Don’t you let it pass you by

[Chorus]

When you thought you didn’t do anything wrong and then he flares up.
When you kneel beside him and he just doesn’t want to talk…
When you try to walk away yet end up walking back to where you came from.
When you know that tears deserve to fall yet you still try to stop them.
When you know you already look stupid yet go on doing the same thing.
When you feel you’re losing your pride yet keep it all inside.

When you feel you’ve had enough yet keep on fighting for what you have.

-Sometimes, it all comes down to common sense and understanding. Nothing ever mattered that much - except the reason that I keep on doing the same things because I love him. And I’m still going to love him him no matter what it takes.
I’ll still try even if I know I really haven’t tried enough.

:’c

Maybe, that would be the last trace of the face I adored for 3 months.

He’d not be in my memory any longer.

Maybe, I’m happy that i saw him. I’m glad he’s still around.

But i’m happier that it didn’t matter that much anymore.

He’s a friend - and maybe will remain as one.. for me.

 Maybe, today really is a bad day.
I stayed up late almost the whole night – waiting for any signs of
communication from him. But, then, nothing came. I know why, I disappointed him
AGAIN.

I didn’t want to disappoint him.
I never forgot. I just wanted him to know that maybe, I didn’t want to care
anymore. He always tried to understand me. He always tried to show me that he
cared. But, sometimes, I don’t seem to notice that he does. Or maybe, I didn’t
want to see that he always does.

Look, I was sorry for what I did.
But, then, it didn’t seem to work anymore. If I will lose him this time and if
he’s saying goodbye, then, maybe that’s it. Maybe, all I’m waiting for are his
decisions – for me… for us.

Or maybe, I was just tired. Tired
of those angry stares at us every time we’re together. Tired of those whispers
behind our backs every time we hold hands. Tired of the talks, the pretensions,
the snobs, the unending questions about us. They never seem to let us be. I
wished it all just ended – because what they never noticed was, they break my
heart every time they come up.

I don’t want to say that I’m
tired of him. I never was. Well, sometimes, I do. Sometimes, I didn’t want to
care. That’s the truth. Maybe, I was tired. Of course, I love him. But, maybe
he’s right. I’m not yet ready to commit. I didn’t want to understand his
commitment. There were promises. He did all he could to make me believe. But, I
didn’t. I never wanted nor tried to believe in them.

I broke his heart again. I always
do. And when it’s done, I would find myself being torn apart for what I did.

I know he didn’t want to hurt me.
He just wanted me to understand – or maybe, to care for what we both shared.
But, I couldn’t even stand for the both of us. I couldn’t even answer back when
he’d tell me he loves me. Maybe, he doesn’t even believe that I love him too.

I can’t earn his trust because
I’m not giving him mine. I can’t take commitments. I can’t even fight for what
I feel about him. I’m just letting everything die.

When I don’t want to talk
anymore, he would think it was his fault again. He would think he wasn’t able
to make things right. He would think he always messed things up. Truth is it
had been me all along. I was always the one who’s messing things up for the
both of us. I wish I didn’t get so stupid or so dumb when I’m in love.

The real thing is that: I’m not
ready for serious things yet. And, maybe, I never really cared that much – as
much as he did for me.

Here I go again, hurting myself.
I don’t want these to happen. I just wanted to be happy with him, but I never
did things the right way.

I know he never meant it to
happen this way. I know how much he cared. Then, maybe, if I don’t deserve him
anymore, he could just tell me. He loves me and I love him. But, I don’t deserve
him if I always mess things up – like this.

I never seemed to learn. I’d hurt
him at one time, I say sorry. He’d forgive me. And then, I’d end up doing the
same thing all over again. I don’t tell him what I feel. I try to let go and
then end up asking him to stay. I always make him confused like what’s
happening now. I wish I wasn’t so stupid.

Reality check: I am stupid. Why
does it always take me a long time to admit that I am?

I wish I could just prove it when
I say that I love him. Maybe, in some way, I could still make him love me and
stay in love that way.

I’m attached… and I could feel like i have conflicting responsibilities to you. I guess, we just need time to take this thing off our minds and forget about it. I want to forget what happened. I hope you would put it in the past too. It’s done and we couldn’t do anything about it anymore. Let’s stop right there and go back to where we first started off…

I’m not yet ready for commitments. I don’t know about you, but i also think its too early.. Why not just forget it? Anyway, I’m staying so why worry about losing me?

We don’t need need assurances or promises. We just need each other right? We don’t have to be afraid of losing each other if we trust ourselves that it wouldn’t happen. I have doubts…i still have insecurities with you - and i know you still have some for me too… But, i’m staying with you for as long as i can. I already told you I’m not letting you go. All we need to do is be honest to ourselves and to each other. I’m happy with you. I hope I make you happy too. I hope you’re staying with me too.

No more promises.. No forever… It doesn’t happen.. Let’s just face what we have right now.

I love you and you love me.

I told you it’s just all that matters.

-kisses-

Was that the angel?

I don’t know but I saw a feather floating last night before i went to bed…

wish it was.