immediate reactions

My eyes hurt from bleeding so much tears. I honestly look half-dead since he left. I can still smile, but, yes. It hurts. It’s just that I really don’t like being left behind. He said I’m emotional. I didn’t see any reason for that behavior. It was stupid and reckless as mick would have put it. I cry and I admit it. I want to escape to the unknown and leave behind everything that’s hurting me. Including him… probably.

It’s no use. I can’t even get rid of myself, not hat I’m trying really hard. Of course, I have options left. But it’s only to let go or deal with it. I still have a week left to change my mind. I don’t want to deal with another heartbreak or unanswered phone calls. Probably, he never really cared like I thought he would. It’s hard to keep on believing that he still loves me. Maybe it’s just half-true.

I don’t expect him to care so much anyway. It would probably be useless - immature… I would be indifferent and probably, I would never understand. I just want things to end, the hurts to go away, and the tears to stop falling.

I hate it when he says he loves me but I couldn’t feel it. It would never be the same way again. Is there any other reason for me to hold on?