How disappointing!!! huhuhu…
Anyway, Cokes at McDo are still nice. Guess I’d better stick to it now rather than hope for something I couldn’t get yet. I hope I’d find something good tonight before I go home. I want to rest - badly.
He once told me that I am beautiful. He gave me roses – my favorite – and told me I was even more beautiful than those pretty things. He never really said that he loved me, at first. Yet, he proved it in the words he said, in his manners, and his treatment towards me as a woman. I believed that he respected me and cared for me more than anything else in the world. He knew I felt the same way too and we shared a love that stood against all odds.
Then he left. I have known it before. He never kept anything from me. He promised to come back when he’d be ready to claim me. I gave in – reluctantly - and sent him away, hoping that his promise to be back would come soon.
Days became lonelier after he had gone. He was the focus of my life and now, I felt like a nomad in the point of indirection. He had gone and I just couldn’t accept it. Yet, despite my miseries, he continued to care. My phone beeped almost everyday with messages from him, reminding me how much he missed me. One time, he even sang to me, crooning about how I would always be beautiful in his eyes. I held on to that thought, knowing that I was accepted, cared and loved for who I am.
Soon, the calls and the messages became less and less frequent, making me grow anxious every day. I tossed in bed at night, wondering what had become of him or if he had already forgotten about me. Then I cried myself to sleep, thinking how much I had missed him. I kept myself busy every day just so I wouldn’t have to keep him in my thoughts, but he was always there. I scraped most of my allowance just so I could call him and talk to him at night when everybody else was asleep. Yet, he didn’t seem so excited about talking to me. He mostly talks about his friends and the silliness they put themselves into, and I try to laugh at every funny thing he blabs about. I’m happy that he is happy and I knew I couldn’t ask for more, but, was that all?
Sometimes, he’d ask me how I was doing, and I’d tell him that I’m fine. Just that. I didn’t want him to know about my misery, my pain of missing him, my agony of longing for him. I didn’t want him to know how my heart breaks when a day passes that I don’t hear anything from him. I didn’t want him to see how my eyes bleed with tears that he won’t be able to wipe away.I try to keep up with my innocent laughter. After all, that’s what he loved about me. I never seemed to worry about anything.
His calls dwindled fewer and fewer as more weeks passed by. He had no time to call during Christmas or New Year’s Eve. His phone is mostly out of coverage and even if it does ring, he seldom takes time to answer it. He was always busy and it made me miss him more. What’s worse is, the more I missed him the more demanding I got. He did try to keep up with my demands. That included answering the phone late at night or early dawn, forcing his attention on me despite his sleepy state or giving in to my whims when I flare up or get angry. He tried to be angelic while I was playing devil to him all the time.
Then, one night, he had enough.
It was one of those tantrum nights when I start calling him at midnight and demanding his attention. I do that often. I start crying and accusing him of giving up on me. I would enumerate his past mistakes just to show him how much he owes me. Then I demand a break-up and he would start begging for another chance.
This time, however, there was no room for second chances. Not that I didn’t give it but because he never begged for it again. He gave me up, just like that.
I was struck dumb for a few moments. He went on to tell me how insensitive I was, that I never tried to understand his situation, and that I never cared for his feelings. He told me I was just like those girls who took him for granted in the past – worthless.
I wished I could say more, but my eyes were beginning to show my pain. I was just as worthless as them and it hurt me more for what it meant rather than for how he had said it. I tried to be calm, so I could think. And, when I got my senses back, I thanked him for everything and hanged up.
It was 4 hours before my first period class and I didn’t want to doze off in front of my professor. So I tried to go to sleep, crying.
-TigerLily
You,
Do you remember me? Probably, you don’t anymore. You see me most of the time, in the crowd, in the cafes we used to go to, in the hallway – everywhere. But, you don’t seem to notice me anymore. It’s probably because I cut my hair. A friend told me, I would look more beautiful if I did. But, you never complimented me. You must not have liked it.
I wish you would still look at me, just once. Then, probably, you would remember.
We used to sit under the tar apple trees and read to each other. You were always silent as the wind, but you listen to me. Sometimes, you argue. You were always good at proving your point. You never interrupt though I talk about myself most of the time. Your eyes were always kind, though your stares scare me at times. You never touch my hand, but I hope you noticed that you’ve touched my heart. You told me your story and I could still memorize most of its details. I could retell it if you’d want me to, but I guess you won’t. You never talked to me again.
Remember that time when we went to the city together? I knew you didn’t want me following you around. You must have wished that I shouldn’t have tagged along, if you had the choice. I knew you were irked when I demand, you didn’t like it when I made you wait, especially that part when it started to rain.Yet, you never complained. You even bought me something to eat, to probably make me shut up. You were even so nice to make me use your oversized jacket when the aircon and the cold wind chilled us both. You were harsh at times but you allowed me to lean on your shoulder while I tried to get some sleep on our ride home.
You found a handmade anklet – “LOVE” was written on it and you gave it to me. You tried to hide that smile when I shrieked with delight, ogling at that little treasure I just received. I liked small stuff such as those and you were always generous with me. I adored everything about you.
I wish you could see me now. I’m no longer just a pretty and petite thing like what you used to see in me. But you don’t look my way anymore. You probably hate me now – knowing how dark, distorted and insensitive I could be. You must have seen how I treat others of your kind and you decided to avoid me.
I wish you could feel how it burned me, at first, when you started to look away. You don’t meet my eyes anymore. You used to send me messages to check on me when you don’t see me around or pull my hair when I sulk just to make me laugh. Now, you walk right past me as if you didn’t know I was there. You never even say hi.
I wished you have seen my desperate attempts to make you jealous when I hold someone else’s hand or laugh at someone else’s jokes. But you always knew better. You were always too mature for these childish acts. To you, I was just a kid trying to grab everybody’s attention – immature.
Yet, I thank you for that. I took that as a challenge and tried to change. At least, your pretty and petite, immature brat tried to grow up.I’m far better now than that brat you used to know.
Probably, you’d never recognize me from these stories I tell you. You could just ignore this and you may have forgotten about me… but, thanks a lot – for crossing my way and changing my life.
Your pretty and petite thing,
Zephyr
(It’s not quite available yet… On the process of editing p xia. Check this spot: coffeepot-kisses.blogspot.com for more of my posts!)
